Funeral Words

F. I. S. L. O. F.

Here's a win for the florists out there.

I visited with a man who had lost his healthy and active 53 year old wife to a massive stroke this week. A tragedy in every sense, the two of them were skiing in Vermont, having a great time. She got to the bottom of a run, collapsed, and the stroke took her life in a matter of days.

Nevertheless, the husband has a great heart and an energetic sense of humor which came to the surface when he was working with family to orgranize the obituary. Someone asked him about memorial donations, and his immediate response was something like, "F**k it, she deserves lots of flowers," which he ended up turning into the phrase, "F**k it--send lots of flowers."

Well the local newspaper will not reprint such language but he decided to include an acronym version of the phrase in the final obituary to honor the moment. Near the end it will read, "Instead of memorial donations F.I.S.L.O.F." If someone asks what the acronym means, we will tell them "flowers inspire--send lots of flowers," though a few will know the F.I. really stands for "F**k it."

Sometimes it's the simple things which create meaning and memory in the midst of tragedy. You have to stay open to the possibilities.

A wonderful little story, if you know a florist, pass it along.

Challenges

The following is from a discussion which appeard on the FuneralWatch message board. I think these thoughts need to travel a little further. Don't miss the continuation of his comments after the break. He draws an analogy between funeral service and the troubles with the "big three" auto makers.

Anyone care to comment???

Many thanks to Dale Clock from Muskegon, MI for letting me republish his remarks.

These are tough times. We are at a 10% unemployment rate in our area and people are spending less, choosing cremation more and doing services on their own. For those funeral homes out there that haven't seen this yet, my guess is your time is coming. Plan for it now.

 

1.  I laid off someone at the beginning of the year. The lay off will most likely become permanent.

2.  Bonuses stopped several years ago.

3.  Wages have been holding until the business climate improves.

4.  3 of 5 Funeral Directors have left for various reasons over the past

2 years, none have been replaced and we are doing just fine without them.

 

I have hired non-licensed arrangers instead (we can do that in our state).

At over 50% cremation I don't need embalmers. I need people with creative minds that can design wonderful events, speak in front of a crowd, write in complete sentences, communicate on the internet like my teenager, and use the computer like it was their friend and not a ball and chain around their ankle.

 

Great Quote

Doubts and mistrust are the mere panic of timid imagination, which the steadfast heart will conquer, and the large mind transcend.
--Helen Keller

Given the messy, complicated times within which we live today; I think everyone alive needs to hear these words of Helen Keller. Many mistakes (some of them truly criminal) have taken place and the world bears the weight of our economy's faults and failings.

Nevertheless, in such times we should not buckle under to fear. Now's the time for thoughtfulness and wisdom and openness and visionary strength. It is not the time for panic and intimidation to rule the day.

May the true leaders, the best leaders (not the fear mongerers) in our government and elsewhere, find the will and steadfastness to lead us through to a better day.

BT

"Newspaper Publisher's Are Idiots" -- John Dvorak

I guess this is a John Dvorak week. He had a great column on the vanishing of our digital history and now a great column about the sad state of the newspaper business.

This one really hits at the core of what funeral directors must face, as the outdated business model of newspaper publishing falls apart and one of our key conduits of local communication begins to fail.

What do we do in most parts of the country if the local paper goes out of business? How do we get the word out to the thousands (millions across the country) of people who have no capacity or desire to seek out obituary information online?

Of course Dvorak doesn't address those issues, but he does outline some of the reasons for the failure of newspapers and even suggests a possible approach to change things around again. Perhaps dropping off a copy of his column with your local editor might help. At this point, I'm sure it couldn't hurt.

Here's the opening paragraphs. Follow the link to read the rest:

So now we hear that The New York Times is contemplating the notion of becoming a subscription-based Web site, where you only get to read it if you pay real money. What a quaint idea.

Let me put it bluntly: This won't work. It will completely sink the publication faster than it's already sinking.

The problem with the subscription model for today's big newspapers is the fact that there is very little exclusive information of any real value. The New York Times syndicates much of its content to other papers, so there are alternative sources—not subscription-based—with the same information. Why buy a cow when milk is free?

Starting back in the early seventies, most of the big newspapers around the country were lulled into a sense of security and easy money by eschewing in-house reporting in exchange for syndicated news from the likes of the Associated Press, The New York Times, The Washington Post, the Los Angeles Times, and Reuters.

John Dvorak: Newspaper Publishers Are Idiots

Take care or our history will evaporate

"Those alive today are probably going to be the first generation of humans that risks losing its history to digital technology. It's already begun." John Dvorak

That's the opening sentence to a column by John Dvorak, a technology writer I have followed for at least 25 years. He always has something pointed to say and not just about techical mumbo jumbo. He very often looks at the broader implications of technology and change.

I invite you to follow the link below, read what he has to say, and at least begin to think about the implications for our businesses and the families we serve if we/they lose our history because of electronic obsolesence.

If we're not careful down the road, it may become very difficult for us to personalize a funeral as all the electronic photos and other memoribilia essentially evaporate without a trace.

John Dvorak: Our History: Error 404

Tom Peters -- At it again

I love Tom Peters. Of all the business "gurus" I have seen or heard or read, he's the guy who consistently inspires and energizes me. Energy, energy, energy, smarts, smarts, smarts and ceaseless devotion to turning out excellence in everything he does.

Today I popped onto his website (www.tompeters.com) and found he has posted a draft of a book preface he has written. This will go into a new printing of his 2003 book Reimagine!

If you need some inspiration in the midst of these challenging economic times, this is totally worth the read. It is also a reminder that we live in a very different age of communications where ideas don't get saved up for a special publication date. Here's Tom Peters putting his new preface out on the web for free, so that he can get some feedback on it before it goes off to publication.

Success comes from connections to the rest of the world and connections come from openness and sharing. Then you build a business on top of that (and he has built a tremendous public speaking and consulting business).

Download Re-imagine Preface

Is your newspaper the next to collapse?

Time.com has an article listing the top 10 most endangered newspapers (including the Boston Globe right up the road from which they seem to think will stop publishing in print this year).

Here's the article:  Time.com: The 10 Most Endangered Newspapers in America

So far we have not seen any papers go out of business in our immediate service area, but who knows when that might happen.

I'm curious to hear from funeral directors who have had to work around a newspaper shutdown and wonder how you've handled it. Please take a minute to post your comments, just click on the link below.

Funeral Museum in the New York Times

I couldn't believe it. I went to the New York Times website to check the headlines and saw an headline for the Museum of Funeral Customs in Springfield, IL.

Here's the article link: NYTimes: A Funeral Museum at Death’s Door 

I looked quickly and did not find a website for the museum. Please let me know if there is one and I will certainly get the link posted. 

Aardbalm Revisit

Way back in October of 2007 I posted a piece about the coming release of Aardbalm, a "green" alternative to traditional formaldehyde based embalming fluids.

At the time, little was known about this product but over time there have been a variety of comments left on my site, the most recent was just last week about a case which went very poorly using the product.

I don't have any direct experience with these fluids myself but would certainly encourage anyone with personal experiences to take a minute to provide recent information.

Here's the link to the original posting: FuneralWords: Aardbalm: Green Hype or Green Hope?

Religion Declining

I haven't posted here in more than six months, and I'm not so sure I want to get on the hook for regular postings. Still, the American Religious Identification Survey became formally published today and though I have yet to dig into the details, two bits of information I gleaned from an MSNBC.com article should continue to drive home the need for funeral home professionals to find a broader array of services beyond traditional religious observances.

According to the survey:

• 15% of respondents said they had no religion, that's up from 8.2% in 1990
• 30% percent of married couples did not have a religious wedding ceremony and 27% of respondents said

they did not want a religious funeral

27% Did not want a religious funeral. Keep in mind, this is a national average and that your particular area of service could be much higher or even quite a bit lower. This still means that  in many parts of the country, at least one third of your local population does not want religious services in relation to a funeral.

That as they say down South is a big deal.

Here's the MSNBC.com summary of the survey: MSNBC: More Americans say they have no religion

UPDATE: A quote from the USAToday.com website

"More than ever before, people are just making up their own stories of who they are. They say, 'I'm everything. I'm nothing. I believe in myself,' " says Barry Kosmin, survey co-author.

The article has several helpful interactive graphics which allow you to compare the rate of change in belief over time from state to state. For instance, the graphic shows a Massachusetts decline in catholocism of 15% in the last 18 years. That's deeply significant for our Massachusetts based funeral home.

USAToday: Most religious groups in USA have lost ground, survey finds

UPDATE 2: Here's a link to the full survey: American Religious Identification Survey PDF